Monday, July 03, 2006

Bloody Fireworks...

sooooooo lets’s say you’ve been hanging out with co-workers… co-workers that have been upgraded to “friends” recently… and you totally enjoy spending time with them because they’re funny and smart and make you laugh… and happy hour on Friday has turned into a habit… one that you’d like to continue…

Lets say that one of them is a man… and he sorta has a crush on you (like a big crush)… and you’re flirty by nature… but you’ve never said anything that would lead him on… you’ve only been yourself (you can’t help it if you’re demented and perverted)

Now let’s say you went out with them and had a little too much to drink… and so your one friend thought it would be funny to drunk text message the male friend (who had left us reluctantly to go do something else) nude pictures of herself (when she knows full well that he has a crush on her too) and then let’s say he sends us a… ahem… nude text message of his own…

And then your friend wants to go follow him… and you meet up… and hang out… and continue to drink too much… and you find out that his “type” is a pretty accurate description of YOU…

And then it’s late and he’s walking you to your car… and you go in for a hug… and he kisses you… and it’s not like a “you’re my friend and I’m just saying good-bye with a quick closed mouth peck” kiss… it’s… it’s… something else… but part of you wants to think you’re just imagining the “something else” and it really was just a friendly kiss good night… (you don't kiss him back but it happens so quickly that you can't really get out of it… and you've seen him kiss other friends good bye… so you don't make a big deal of it at the time)

But yea

I’ve been feeling soooo guilty about it… and I talked to husband… and he’s ok… because he knows that I would NEVER cheat on him… and I didn't initiate anything… but it still happened

So now I have to find a way to talk to this guy… because I really do like him as a friend… and he’s insecure and has issues that I don’t really want to get into… but I have to know what he meant by it… especially because we’re totally going to that concert (YES… it’s THAT guy) on Friday…

::Sigh:: such DRAMA… and it’s only 10:26 am

and I don’t want to get into “sexual harrasment” issues… because it’s not that… I don’t know what it is right now… but it’s definitely not that (besides… this happened after midnight on Friday) and I have lunch and take my breaks with these people every day… and I’d like that not to change…

I’m not sure why I’m posting this… I’m just trying to figure things out… and maybe get other peoples opinions (maybe something similar has happened to you…) and maybe vent a little…

Anyway… hope everyone is having a kick ass holiday weekend (I’m stuck at work today… cause that's the way the AT&Tizzle rolls)

6 Comments:

Blogger furyouhin said...

Perhaps the next time he closes in, physically block him (I suggest taking a step back and doing a 'guy punch' to the upper arm) and with a warm laugh say something like, "Dude, we -so- have to find you a girlfriend!" Keep your tone light but firm and keep moving (physically and/or conversationally). Repeat as necessary.

The goal in the words is to:
a) immediately clue him into how the action he just performed is more appropriate for a more intimate relationship than he may have with you. If he is as socially-impaired as he sounds from your past stories, then he may very well not understand what is or is not appropriate. School that boy.

b) clue him in that you're onto him without putting him on the spot the way an earnest discussion would (face it, he's in deep denial right now and will dive deeper if you try to have a big "we need to talk" discussion with him, not to mention how awkward it would be in the context of the workplace).

c) deflect him out of his 'you and me' thoughts by making you his ally, not his target. Without words, you'll be saying "I care about you but not for you."

Then seriously, try to find him a girlfriend. It will be difficult for him to maintain his crush on you if you treat him like you're his mother and he's coming up on his bar mitzvah.

9:13 PM  
Blogger tamie said...

thanks for the words of wisdom furyouhin...

I think I'll try some of your suggestions...

but I guess I didn't mention it before... but he has a girlfriend... they've been together 11 years... I'm pretty sure she was the first woman to pay attention to him "that way" and now he's stuck in an unhappy realationship with a woman who is emotionally fragile and has no self esteem...

he's always complaining about her... and I think he's one of those guys who likes to have girls as friends... and mistakes being a perv for being funny...

I'm working on the "we're just friends" thing... and I think he's slowly getting it... but deep down... he's a sexually rustrated and emotionally vulnerable guy...

9:39 AM  
Blogger goldennib said...

Furyouhin gave some really good advice. Don't feel sorry for him. Or try to make him feel better because of his situation with his girlfriend. He'll only get more confused. If you want to be friends with him treat him the way a guy would. No hugs, no kisses. Sometimes you have to supress your natural tendencies to protect yourself from people who don't have a clue.

3:18 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

Your husband gets kudos for being cool about this. My guy isn't the jealous type, but even he wouldn't like that situation one bit!

10:57 AM  
Blogger tamie said...

man... it's sooo sad...

I'll have to post on my own site about what happened at the concert later (I'm in work in training for a couple of days) but here are things in a nut shell...

I went home to change on friday... gothed out... he picked me up... our other friend was following him... we tried to go see pirates first... it was sold out... my female friend and I drank too much... like... WAY too much... we stumbled around the Irvine Spectrum (an upscale mall down here) and she decided she wanted to join us at the concert... our quest now became to get her a ticket... ticketmaster was down... we'd have to scalp a ticket... we drove to the concert... it was crowded... we missed the first two opening acts (we didn't care)... found a good spot to watch the show... danced... had a great time... I was good... so was he...

I realized when Trent was singing "Hurt" (as we were all hugging each other...) and both of them were crying... how truly damaged my new friends are... and so now I'm very protective of them... I can't explain it...

I think they both are not used to having friends who stick around and love them unconditionally...

I'm not sure... but I think everything has changed... and I don't mind...

It's hard to describe... I'll try and elaborate later though...

happy monday :)

2:38 PM  
Blogger sanjeet said...

we -so- have to find you a girlfriend!" Keep your tone light but firm and keep moving (physically and/or conversationally). Repeat as necessary.
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2:01 PM  

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